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50 facts about Men!
Written by a Women.
1. Men like to barbecue. Men will
cook if danger is involved
2. Men who have pierced ears
are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought
jewelry.
3. If you buy your husband or
boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the
door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end
with a scream and a flush.
4. Be careful of men who are
bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of
"bald."
5. Marrying a divorced man is
ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than
men, it pays to recycle.
6. Men are very confident
people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on
television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If
the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and
if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they
call him.
7. If it's attention you want,
don't get involved with a man during play-off season.
8. Men like phones with lots
of buttons. It makes them feel important.
9. Men love to be the first to
read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to
their psyches.
10. All men look nerdy in
black socks and sandals.
11. The way a man looks at
himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
12. Don't try to teach men how
to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have
to know.
13. Men who are going bald
often wear baseball caps.
14. All men are afraid of
eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
15. A good place to meet a man
is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
16. Men love watches with
multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address
book, telescope and piano.
17. All men hate to hear "We
need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in
the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
18. Men are sensitive in
strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn,
he will take it personally.
19. Men are brave enough to go
to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
20. All men think that they're
nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
21. Men don't get cellulite.
God might just be a man.
22. Men have an easier time
buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more
depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
23. Men have higher body
temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend
sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
24. Women take clothing much
more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say
"Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man
wearing a black tuxedo."
25. Most men hate to shop.
That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a
department store, two inches from the door.
26. If a man prepares dinner
for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is
serious.
27. If you're dating a man who
you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or
c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The
cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.
28. Men own basketball teams.
Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players'
shorts get baggier and longer.
29. No man is charming all of
the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary
Grant.
30. When four or more men get
together, they talk about sports.
31. When four or more women
get together, they talk about men.
32. Not one man in a beer
commercial has a beer belly.
33. Men are less sentimental
than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice,
voluntarily.
34. Men have a good memory,
it's just short!
35. If a man says, "I'll call
you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number...
he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.
36. Men hate to lose. I once
beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex
again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
37. Men who can eat anything
they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.
38. Getting rid of a man
without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never
want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get
rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I
want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
39. Men accept compliments
much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great."
Mitch:"Thanks." On the other side:"Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do?
Must be the lighting."
40. Impulse buying is not
macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.
41. Men who listen to
classical music tend not to spit.
42. Only men who have worn a
ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the
bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
43. Men don't feel the urge to
get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and
zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We
need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get
dressed.
44. Men are self-confident
because they grow up identifying with superheroes. Women have bad
self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
45. When a woman tries on
clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has
gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels
tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
46. Male menopause is a lot
more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight
and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and
drive motorcycles.
47. Men forget everything;
women remember everything.
48. That's why men need
instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
49. Most women are
introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively
fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
50. All men would still really
like to own a train set.
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